Last week I was having a rather heated discussion with someone, let’s call him Kenji, at the local coffee house regarding online bullying. He had been rather adamant that people under the age of 17 should not be permitted to join chat rooms or have blogs, in the event that they’re bullied to the point where suicide becomes the only option of escape. Having been bullied quite often in my youth, I said that such protectionist measures would do nothing to solve the real issues, and would not eliminate the constant cajoling and taunting that goes on from the moment we’re born.

So what’s the most workable solution to bullying?

Kenji’s Opinion: Dismiss and Punish to Prevent

Having spent his entire life in Japan, Kenji has first hand knowledge of growing up in a society where the youth are often pushed to extremes by everyone around them. Students must be part of at least one club activity in order to “fit in” at school, and parents are always pushing their children to get phenomenal grades in every class before sending them off to a juku (cram school) after the day’s lessons are complete. From the age of 12 to 17, students often get by on just five to six hours of sleep, and are out of the house or studying intently for the rest of the day.

Although we all hear stories like this about schools in Japan, the reality is really quite different. Sure this might happen with some students, but most have a little free time here and there so that they can enjoy their youth. That said; the average Japanese student still has about 1/10th the free time of their North American counterparts.

Regardless of how much free time a person has, the type of bullies that exist here in Japan are just the same as you would find anywhere in the world. Many bullies do what they do because they’re not happy at home, or they’re not happy with themselves, or they just enjoy being bigger than everyone and want to flex their muscle in any way possible. Regardless of the cause, the effects of bullying are quite real: people are made to feel inferior.

When students go online to write a blog post, communicate with friends, or be part of an online forum, the last thing they want to deal with is abuse. To combat the growing rise of bullying on this medium, Kenji feels that it would be best to prevent students from participating in any online communities. Not only would this give them more time to study, but it would prevent students from being targeted by bullies and sexual predators. When these students reach an appropriate age, which is supposedly somewhere around 17, they will have a better handle on their emotions and be able to handle bullies more effectively.

How would students be better able to handle bullies at 17? I asked.

“Students should be given the power to immediately report bullying to a teacher or police officer in order to bring the offender to justice in a swift and orderly manner,” Kenji tells me.

Essentially, Kenji feels that we should dismiss the rights of the individual by banning the use of a (relatively) safe communications medium and promoting the act of tattle-tailing in order to quickly bring bullies in line with what society expects of them. Rather than let our young people use the internet as a communications medium and learning tool while showing them how to handle idiots, we’re supposed to keep our net connections locked down just in case somebody hurts their feelings?

I can understand that some parents want to protect their children from all harm, but this level of protectionism is just lunacy.

My Opinion (Not That It Matters): Educate and Encourage

Until the age of 14, I was always “the fat kid.” Forever wearing track pants because jeans would seldom fit long enough to be worth the money, I was the butt of every joke. It didn’t help that I came from a poorer family, nor did my rather explosive temper. However, with the help of some great teachers and role models, I learned how to control my rage (externally) and deal with people who wanted to see me dead. Without the guidance from people I respected, and the encouragement I received from my parents whenever I accomplished something worthwhile, I never would have enjoyed my youth and would have likely become a very dark and negative person with pent up rage and a grudge on life.

To this day, the lessons that I had learned from teachers like Mr. Robinson, Mr. Neil, Mr. Castle and Ms. Laidlaw continue to help me get through the most difficult situations where I am being discriminated against or otherwise treated unfairly. Rather than tattle to a superior about how so-and-so said this or that about me, it’s much simpler to just let it slide. One of the best ways I’ve found to handle personal slander is to respond in a direct fashion, while giving the impression of misinterpretation.

“You’re such a @#$!ing douce, Jason.”
“What’s so bad about being clean?”

“I’ve never seen such a pitiful excuse for a report. You expect me to pay you for this?”
“The numbers don’t lie. Clearly you can’t manage a business. I do expect to be paid but, after seeing this report, I’d rather receive cash than a cheque.”

Well … I don’t recommend using that last one too casually, but the fact of the matter remains. So long as a person is confident in themself and knows how to handle abusive dolts, bullying online will be less of a problem. Kids are pretty tough and don’t need to be protected as much as some people think. All it takes is a little education and encouragement from others.

Of course, online bullies can sometimes seem larger than life. Rather than have one or two people attack you, like in most real situations, it’s possible to have thousands of people attacking you simultaneously. In the case of some recent online suicides, some mocking dolt would happen upon a blog post or live video stream of a person who was feeling particularly depressed and send the link to friends around the world. From there, friends of friends would receive the link and the number of people following something would quickly snowball into the thousands. Regardless of what the depressed individual says, their words are twisted and spat back at them in a devastatingly deriding fashion, which would then lead to an unfortunate circumstance. In a few cases, people have actually hung themselves while people watched through the webcam. Even in death, their mocking laughs and hurtful words filled the screen of the recently deceased. Quickly bored by the sight of a cooling corpse swinging from the ceiling, they congratulate themselves and move on to the next unwitting victim. Never once will they give a second thought to the fact that they were responsible for a person’s death.

I’m disgusted every time I think of the news story.

The media response to this is always the same, too. They scream and holler that Kenji’s “solution” should be put into effect to save the lives of countless other people. They point fingers, blaming everything from rap music to video games to the de-humanizing nature of the internet. But never once do they ask the real questions: where were the parents, and why didn’t they see the long-term patterns in their own children?

Should we prevent kids from living through this solitary horror? Oh, yes. But we shouldn’t do it with restrictions. Again, education and encouragement is the only way a person can bounce back from those days where it seems there’s nothing left to live for.

Your Opinion: <Insert Keywords Here>

What do you think we should do about online bullying? Bullies have been around since life began so many years ago, and they’ll continue to be with us until long after the sun goes cold. Should society attack bullies with reason and compassion? Should parents be held more accountable for the emotional and psychological well-being of their children? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.