July 7th, 2008America To The Rescue!
Countries such as Canada and Japan have faced some pretty tough competition over the last quarter century in the domestic tourism business, but it seems that they have an ally in the fight to keep our hard earned money inside our own borders: the United States of America.
Nick from LongCountdown recently sent me a link to a Washington Times article that outlines one of the possible ways people will be kept “in line” while on a commercial flight and, not surprisingly, I’m quite pissed off about it. Luckily it’s just something that’s being discussed, but it wouldn’t surprise me if something of this magnitude was introduced after the next time a plane is used as a missile.
The device in question is essentially a wrist bracelet with an internal GPS, which will allow the US government to keep track of all passengers from the time they get on the plane, to the time they disembark. As an added feature, these bracelets will have the ability to shock someone severely enough to render the victim somewhere between unconcious and dead. While this might sound like a great idea if we’re flying between Earth and Hell, this is hardly the treatment that one should have to expect after paying ridiculous air fares, obnoxious fuel surcharges, airport upgrade fees, and concourse “food”. And that’s all the crap we’re forced to do *before* we get on the damned plane!
Although I might act like one at times, I’m not a psychopath. If I’m spending over half-a-month’s salary for the “luxury” of sitting in a cramped cabin with people who smell like ass for the 12+ hours it takes to get from Japan to North America, the least these people could do is treat us like paying customers.
Oh, I forgot. In America, you’re guilty until proven dead. This is true regardless of whether you’re Canadian, Lybian, North Korean or, oddly enough, American.
The Revitalization of Local Tourism
One nice aspect about this absurd rush towards “safety” is that fewer people will be willing to leave their countries or fly on American airlines. This could mean that commercial American aircraft will be making less runs to other countries, which will do wonders for the atmosphere. On top of this, people will get to see more of their home countries and/or fly their own domestic airlines. I’m sure that JAL in Japan and Air Canada in Canada will appreciate any extra business they might receive. Heck, anything to stave off the semi-annual bankruptcy declarations and government bail-outs for these companies will be a welcome change.
I’m looking forward to whatever domestic tour packages the local companies might put out in the near future. It should be fun to read “Why be treated like a criminal on your vacation? Come visit sunny Hokkaido!” There are quite a few places that I’d like to see in this country and, if I’m lucky enough to spend the rest of my life in Japan, it would be fun to visit every prefecture and major city before kicking the bucket.
Well … maybe not *every* city. Tokyo seems just a bit too crowded for my liking 
The Better Air Safety Solution
If the governments such as those in America really want to keep the airways safe from terrorists, what they need to do is start having people board the planes naked. Completely and utterly naked. The advantage to this is the huge reservations that many will have about flying in the nude. Who would want to sit on a plane with a bunch of ugly old men? On top of that, with everyone covering themselves with their hands, who would want to touch anyone else? If that’s not enough, who would want to sit in a seat that some other naked ass was in? It’s bad enough that we do this with toilets … but something with a back and head rest would be quite a bit different.
Most of the world’s more extreme religious nuts all feel that the body is a dirty thing and should be hidden from sight. On top of this, many of the more extreme religious nuts will not want to look at the naked form of the opposite sex, as that would be like looking right into the eyes of Satan. They must resist temptation, after all.
So, after all the pat-downs, metal searches, X-Rays, sniffer dogs, and “random” extra security checks, it shouldn’t be too much of a stretch to demand that people disrobe and remain that way until they disembark at their destinations. If this isn’t enough, perhaps the US government could even insist we all have a bar code stamped onto our left arms.
And why not? This wouldn’t be the first time that a government of the world has done such a thing while transporting fellow humans.
What a great idea, but only if it applies to the flight attendants, too.
I think I’d take an electric shock over having to look at some elderly tourists or businessmen that look like they were carved out of ham.
In the above comment, I should say that I would take the shock over having to look at those people nude.